Baillie

Cigarettes. The smell of cigarettes. My arm hangs out the rolled down window of her beat up old jeep. A one hit wonder pop song blares from the radio. She takes another drag on her cigarette and taps the ash out the window.
“You gotta find who you are and don’t settle to be someone else just to make other people happy. What do they matter?” she drawls.
I nod in agreement, the words hitting me like cold water.
The first time I ever saw Baillie was also the last. She sat down beside me in defensive driving school She was tall and thin, with bright green eyes and a sense of strength that seemed to emanate from her being. Though one of the happiest people I have ever met, she had more reasons than anyone I’ve ever known to be angry and bitter.
Baillie was 19 years old. She had been abused by her mother, father, step-mother and harsh teachers. College had never even been an option for her. Instead she moved in with her boyfriend and got a job at a convenient store. She never got a chance to pursue her dreams.
It seemed that in one hour, Baillie told me all the things I had been needing to hear my whole life. The year preceding my meeting with Baillie was a year that had been particularly hard for me. I had struggled through school and my home life trapped in a mire of pity. I constantly wondered why I was being forced to endure the hardships that I was battling. Why me? My “poor me” attitude had arisen from my lack of identity and a selfish need to be seen. Through Baillie’s story, I saw how pathetic and selfish my tragedies were. Baillie had never gone to college, but she had a heart full of dreams and the will to pursue them. I realized how ridiculously lucky I was. I had everything she wished for. I had all the things that were just out of her reach. When I go to collaege, I will go, remembering Baillie, remembering that everything I have is gift and a blessing and that there are people who deserve this so much more than me.
“You’re lucky to have so much. Appreciate it while you have it.” Baillie’s words resonate through me, even now.
As she shared her dreams with me, I listened, amazed, and wondered how the world could be so unfair. How had I gotten so lucky? She deserved the life that I so easily took for granted.
Because I met Baillie, I now strive to appreciate every moment of my life and live for all of the people whose dreams never come true. College is step along the path, a piece of the journey, to my dream, because now I know who I am and that what I have is priceless.